I'm a time bomb ticking,
I can feel it drawing near -
the explosion, then the triumph
of pain and grief and fear.
Like a train on a downhill
With no brakes, all friction lost,
A smooth slide into chaos
where depression is the boss.
I fight it, oh I fight it,
but I also long to stop;
To lay down my arms and armor
And embrace the endless drop.
In the end, oh, god, what difference
If I triumphed or I failed?
When every day's a struggle
In a prison with no bail?
Still I get up every morning,
Put my cheerful game-face on
Go to work and do my duty
Then stumble my way home.
And I try to offer cheerful
Happy faces to my friends
As the days get ever darker
with the pain that never ends.
Self pity is my Nemesis
My comfort and my bane
And sometimes my only ally
In the struggle with the pain.
