Monday, February 6, 2017

To breakfast

When I went out this morning, the yard was full of fat robins, prospecting for the emoluments of a weather break. I was going to a friend's house, and we were going to breakfast together. Her yard was full of crows, cawking derisively and only reluctantly clearing a path for my car.

This day was for the birds, it seems.

We were contrary, though, and went to Country Cat. We both had eggs Benedict with shaved ham, and coffee. She had a cough, and a Bloody Mary. The drink was lunch: a thin slice of jerky, green beans, an olive - I don't know what all! It was an amazing drink.

But the conversation, the connection, was the best.

Like so many people I know, she's better than she thinks she is, more skilled, more gifted, more aware. She knows herself better than she likes to admit.

I sometimes wish these old eyes could be shared
so you could see yourself as I see you,
your shining intelligence, your passion, your heart.
Maybe then you'd have the courage
to reach for the job, the partner, the life
that would bring fulfillment, peace and joy.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

What I did in writing class

The writing class I have begun is called "Writing from the Heart," and I believe it will be a good class for me. I'm an undisciplined writer, and this class creates a sort of "free discipline," if that makes sense. We critique the words, not the writer, and that will be good as well (I'll maybe learn to be less judgy!).

We started with a 2-page guidelines document, followed by a 2-page "inspiration" document, with poetry from Mary Oliver. (If I can, I'll insert them at the end of this.)

These are the two pieces I wrote. I may not post everything I write every time; some of it may be too personal, and some of it may simply be too awful. But here you go:

Writing 1

Death will come for you, I told my husband, my love, in 5 years or 10 years or 15 years. But it will come, and sooner than you expect, because death is like that.

He thought I had called him lazy or incompetent. I had not. I was just frustrated with his idleness when I asked for his help.

I’d had my own telegram from death, you see, a mere six months before. He knocked on the door and delivered the message:
            “All lives are as the grass.”

I retired so I could decide for myself how those weeks? months? years? could be used. I no longer wanted to sell my days for dollars.
I’d rather be hungry and free, because I have been hungry before, and not free.
I’d rather be cold, and free, because I have been chilled before, and not free.

Being a wage slave to a distant master makes for a narrow life, and I want a life that is as wide as prairie, as tall as sky, mobile and graceful and relentless as water.

So when death delivered that telegram I paid attention. I wish I’d done it when I was younger, but I didn’t, so I must do it now, before I’m older.

Here’s a wave at death, here’s a nod to mortality. Here’s a step into the wide prairie.


Writing 2

I remember a house with a hole in the wall. On the other side of the hole was a cousin.

The next house I remember was home – open, airy, wood floors, fine furnishings. It was my mother’s dream, a small suburban dream that turned dark. His tax fraud, her polio, my birth – it’s hard not to think I was the final, third thing that brought the end to all good things.

I try not to think that way. I try not to remember the men inventorying our possessions, taking our home.

The next home: a smaller, darker suburban dream, one with no daddy, except as a sporadic visitor. Almost as soon as we moved in: a hurricane (Donna), the floor tiles floating up, and my personal catastrophe, Raggedy Ann with mildew freckles, lying in the garbage can. How daunting it must have been for my mother, her new beginning flooded and ruined.

She resurrected it though, with new flooring, white, instead of dark brown; new furniture, light instead of dark; and more windows, more sunlight. We never had another disaster in 15 years of living until her health failed.

Then I inventoried our possessions, sold or shipped the goods, and brought Mom to my home. It was an old house, large and dark, but her room always seemed full of light, the children drawn to it like moths to candles. She lived in pain, but always tried to stay in light as well. Sometimes she failed, but she always tried.

I owe her that lesson: the dark can’t win as long as you seek the light. She never taught me how to be married, though – I learned that for myself. Home now is small but light, brimming with love and sunlight.



This "Retirement" thing I'm doing

"So, how's retirement going?" I've had several people ask me, so I thought I'd try a recap.

It started with a truly great party on Saturday, 1/14, thrown by the best boss I've ever had, Jeff. It wasn't as well attended as we thought, because there was a monster ice storm/deep freeze/snowpocalypse in Portland. But a good number of dear friends struggled in, and I felt all the warmth of their friendship. And scotch. Can't forget the scotch!

On Monday, I entered into what may be an endless, ongoing ground war with Medicare. I haven't prevailed, but there appears to be a chance that all will be well. Maybe.

The first week (1/15-21) was housekeeping: a mammogram, a doctor visit, two trips to the dentist. For fun, there was Theology Pub, where we had as a guest a woman who had assisted with the translation of the Bible into the Hawaiian pidgin language. The week was topped by brunch at Salty's with Teddie and Martin, where we drank prodigious amounts of mimosas and enjoyed some wonderful food and conversation.

The second week (1/22-28) began with us hosting coffee hour at church. One of my favorite things is feeding people! More medical followed during the week: the eye doctor, this time. And Steve and I began the delicate negotiations around space, time and chores. (This was also my week of Twitter & Facebook political hysteria.) Then Steve fell ill, so some of my outside activities were constrained; he needed my help. But he was well enough by Friday that I could go host the car campers at our church, St. Anne's in Washougal (stanneswa.wixsite.com/stanneswa). We open the church's fellowship hall every day for 2 hours, so our guests can come in, wash up, cook dinner and socialize. We have 2 or 3 car campers and 3 tiny houses ("homies") on our property. Steve and I will share hosting most Friday evenings.

Now, in the third week (1/29-2/4), I have begun living my true life. I started going to a book group, where we're reading 1984, and I began attending a writing class, "Writing from the Heart." And I've returned to this blog. I've also recognized how important homelessness is to me; it seems to rise to the surface every day, in one way or another. I may have found my "cause."

The book group, the writing class and the car camping program are all connected to my church, but are not "religious" activities. If you are unchurched because church has nothing to offer you, you may want to reconsider. Yes, some of these obligations are a pain in the ass; but many feed my spirit in vital ways, ways I couldn't easily access without the benefit of congregation.

So that's how retirement goes: like any new venture, good days and bad; idle days and busy days; active days and days for introspection.


Monday, December 2, 2013

It's only a matter

I'm a time bomb ticking,
I can feel it drawing near -
the explosion, then the triumph
of pain and grief and fear.
Like a train on a downhill
With no brakes, all friction lost,
A smooth slide into chaos
where depression is the boss.

I fight it, oh I fight it,
but I also long to stop;
To lay down my arms and armor
And embrace the endless drop.

In the end, oh, god, what difference
If I triumphed or I failed?
When every day's a struggle
In a prison with no bail?

Still I get up every morning,
Put my cheerful game-face on
Go to work and do my duty
Then stumble my way home.

And I try to offer cheerful
Happy faces to my friends
As the days get ever darker
with the pain that never ends.

Self pity is my Nemesis
My comfort and my bane
And sometimes my only ally
In the struggle with the pain.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Thought for the Day

Who is more to be pitied, a writer bound and gagged by policemen or one living in perfect freedom who has nothing more to say? -Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., novelist (1922-2007) 
Thank you, Anu Garg, and A Word A Day!

Saturday, November 2, 2013

My Music Library

Obviously, a work in progress! This is actually my husband's library as well; we store the whole works on a portable hard drive attached to our router.

10cc
3 Doors Down
303 Infinity
50 Cent
A Flock Of Seagulls
A Place to Bury Strangers
A Silent Film
A Tribe Called Quest
Aaron Neville
Abbott & Costello
Abra Moore
AC_DC
Ace of Base
Ace Reporter
Acoustic Minds
Adam Hood
Adele
Aerosmith
Akira
Al Stewart
Alanis Morissette
Alena Apina
Alex Bueno
Alex Clare
Alien Ant Farm
Alison Krauss & Union Station
AlO
Amadan
Amanda Richards
America
American Hi-Fi
Amok Vibes
Amy Winehouse
Anciients
Andrew Belle
Ani Difranco
Animaniacs
Animaniacs_Original Soundtrack
Anjulie
Anne Brown_Avon Long_Decca Symphony Orch
Anne Brown_Decca Symphony Orchestra
Anne Brown_Decca Symphony Orchestra_Eva
Anne Brown_Decca Symphony Orchestra_Todd
Annie Lennox
Anthony Stewart Head
Anti-Flag
Anya Marina
Aphex Twin
Arlo Guthrie and Family
Armagedon
Atomic Rave
Audioslave
Augustus Pablo
Austin Lounge Lizards
Autour De Lucie
Avenue Body Presents After Hours
Avenue Q Soundtrack
Avon Long_Leo Reisman & His Orchestra
AWOLNATION
B.B. King
Bad Religion
Badfinger
Banjo Players
Barbarossa
Barenaked Ladies
Beach Boys
Beatles
Beck
Beethoven
Better Than Ezra
Big Band Dance Party
Big Kid
Bill Withers
Billie Holiday
Billy Joel
Black Uhuru
Blake Shelton
Blame Sally
Blind Pilot
Blink 182
Blondie
Blue Man Group
Blue October
Blue Oyster Cult
Blue ?yster Cult
Blues Image
Blues Traveler_Dave Matthews Band
Bob Dylan
Bob Marley & The Wailers
Bob Marley and the Wailers
Bob Rivers
Bob Rivers & Twisted Radio
Bob Schneider
Bob Seger
Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band
Bobby Freeman
Bone Thugs-N-Harmony
Bonnie Raitt
Bonnie Raitt w_ John Prine
Bonnie Raitt w_ Sippie Wallace
Bookstore Robbery
Born I Music
Bowling for Soup
Boz Scaggs
Brandi Carlile
Brandon Chandler & The Revival
Brandon Chandler &amp_ The Revival
Brett Dennen
Brian Setzer
Britney Spears
Broken Bells
Bruce Hornsby
Bruce Springsteen
Bruce Springsteen, Bonnie Raitt and Jack
Bryan Bowers
Bryan Ferry
Bryan Flannery Band
Buckwheat Zydeco
Build the Sun
Cake
California Guitar Trio
Canned Heat
Canned Heat & John Lee Hooker
Carbon Leaf
Carey Ott
Carl Orff
Carl Perkins
Carly Simon
Carole King
Carolyn Wonderland
Cat Stevens
Celebration!
Celine Dion
Chad Kroeger
Chairlift
Chaka Khan
Charles Mingus
Charlie Daniels Band
Charlie Parker
Cherry Poppin' Daddies
Chicago
Chris Isaak
Chris Margolin & The Dregs
Christina_Mya_Pink_Lil' Kim
Chroma
Chuck Berry
Chumbawamba
Cinematic Orchestra
Clark Country
Cleveland Rocks
Club
Colbie Caillat
Coldplay
Collective Soul
Combustible Edison
Commander Cody
Common Sense
Concrete Cowboys
Congo Natty
Corey Taylor
Corinne Bailey Rae
Count Basie
Counterstrike
Counting Crows
Covey
Cranberries
Crash Test Dummies
Cream
Creed
Creedence Clearwater Revival
Crosby, Stills & Nash
Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
Cynthia Christy
Daft Punk
Dagda
Dan Hicks And The Hot Licks
Dana Carvey
Dana Lyons
Danny Kaye
Dar Williams
DarkUFO
Dashboard Confessional
Dave Clark Five
Dave Matthews Band
David Allan Coe
David Bowie - Trevor Jones
David Bromberg
David Byrne
David Byrne and Brian Eno
David Gilmour
David Gray
David Wilcox
Dayna Manning
Deana Carter
Death Cab For Cutie
Debra Fine
Decca Symphony Orchestra_Edward Matthew_
Decca Symphony Orchestra_Edward Matthews
Decca Symphony Orchestra_Eva Jessye Choi
Decoder
Deep Blue Something
Deep Forest
Deep Purple
Deftones
Dennis Leary
Depeche Mode
Desmond Dekker
Diana Krall
Diarrhea Planet
Dick Dale & the Del-Tones
Dick Dale and Gary Hoey
Dido
Dire Straits
Dishwalla
Dixie Chicks
Dizzy X
DJ Dan
DJ Dara
DJ Funk
Dj HyDrO
DJ Icey
DJ Irene
DJ Liquid
Dj Quicksilver
DJ Scribble
DJ Shadow
DJ Skribble
DJ venom
DJ Z-Trip
DMB, Blues Traveler
Doc Cook's Dreamland Orchestra
Dolly Parton
Dollyrots
Don Henley
Donavon Frankenreiter
Donovan
Doobie Brothers
Dorothy Moore
Dr Dre feat. Eminem
Dr. Demento
Dr. Hook
Dr. John
Duffy
Duncan Sheik
Duran Duran
Eagle Eye Cherry
Eagles
Eartha Kitt
Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros
Eek-A-Mouse
Eiffel 65
Eire Lingus
Eliane Elias
Ella & Duke Ellington
Ella Fitzgerald
ELO
Elton John
Elvis Presley
Elvis vs Jxl
Emi & D12
Eminem
Enigma
Enya
Enya - Enigma
Erasure
Eric Clapton
Erykah Badu
Eugene Edwards
Eurotrip Soundtrack
Eurythmics
Evanescence
Everclear
Everlast
Everything
Faith Hill
Faithless
Fallen Angel Choir
Fastball
Feist
Fine Young Cannibals
Fiona
Five For Fighting
Flatt & Scruggs
Fleetwood Mac
Florence + The Machine
FM Soundtrack
Foo Fighters
Fort Vancouver H.S. - Absolute Music - 1
Foster The People
Foundations
Frank Sinatra
Frank Zappa and The Mothers Of Invention
Frankie Goes To Hollywood
Frankie Valli & Four Seasons
Freakhouse
Fugs
Gabriel Mann
Garbage
Garth Brooks
Gary Hoey
Gary Small
Genesis
George Carlin
George Clinton
George Clinton and P-Funk
George Thorogood
Georgia Satellites
Gillette
Gin Blossoms
Gipsy Kings
Glenn Miller
Gnarls Barkley
Godsmack
Golden Earring
Golden Slumbers_ A Father's Love
Goldfinger
Goldfinger_Mest_Good Charlotte
Goldy Locks
Goo Goo Dolls
Good Charlotte
Gorillaz
Gotye
Grammy Nominees 2008
Grateful Dead
Green Day
Greencards, The
Gregory Isaacs
Gregory Porter
Groove Armada
Groucho Marx
Guns N' Roses
Guy Forsyth
Habib Koit? and Bamada
Half Moon Run
Hank Williams, Jr
Hans Zimmer and Lisa Gerrard
Hans Zimmer_Lisa Gerrard
Harper Blynn
Harris, Parton, Ronstadt
Harry Chapin
Harry Connick, Jr
Harry Nilsson
Heart
Heartstrings
Herbie Hancock
Hiatus Kaiyote
Highwaymen
Hockey
House
Hoyt Axton
Iguanas
Imelda May
Incubus
indigo girls
Ingrid Michaelson
Insane Clown Posse
INXS
Irakere
Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
J.J. Cale
Jack Johnson
Jackson Browne
Jade
Jaime Brockett
James Mercer & Brian Burton_Pelican City
James Taylor
James Taylor and Joni Mitchell
Jamiroquai
Jason Mraz
Jeff Black
Jeff Buckley
Jefferson Airplane
Jefferson Starship
Jem
Jennifer Page
Jerry Jeff Walker
Jesse Colin Young
Jesse Winchester
JET
Jewel
Jim Croce
Jimbo
Jimi Hendrix
Jimi Hendrix & BB King
Jimi Hendrix Experience
Jimmie's Chicken Shack
Jimmy Buffett
Jimmy Cliff
Jimmy Eat World
Jimmy Eat World & Jebediah
Joan Armatrading
Joan Baez
Joan Baez & Bob Dylan
Joe Cocker
Joe Walsh
John Belushi
John Coltrane
John Fahey
John Fogerty
John Gary
John Goodman And Billy Crystal
John Lenn and Jimi Hendrix
John Lennon & Yoko Ono
John Mayer
John Mellencamp
John Prine
John Prine With Connie Smith
John Prine With Dolores Keane
John Prine With Emmylou Harris
John Prine with Fiona Prine
John Prine with Iris DeMent
John Prine With Lucinda Williams
John Prine With Melba Montgomery
John Prine With Patty Loveless
John Prine With Trisha Yearwood
John Williams
John Williams - Klimint
John Williams & the Boston Pops Orchestr
Johnny Cash
Johnny Horton
Johnny Mandel
Johnny Mathis
Johnny Winter
Jon Jenkins_Paul Lackey
Joni Mitchell
Juarez
Judy Collins
Julie London
June Christy
Junior Murvin
k.d. lang
k.d. lang & The Siss Boom Bang
Karsh Kale
Katrina and the Waves
Kid Rock
Kim Ralphs
Kimmie Rhodes & Willie Nelson
Kingston Trio
Kinks
Kiss
Kissinger
Korn
Kris Kristofferson
Kristin Connell
KT Tunstall
Larry Bart
Lasgo
Lauryn Hill
Led Zeppelin
Leo Kottke
Leon Redbone
Leonard Cohen
Lester Flatts & Earl Scruggs
Letters To Cleo
Liam Finn
Light Jazz Christmas Eve
Lil' Cap'n Travis
Lily Allen
Limp Bizkit
Lincoln Center Jazz Orchestra & Wynton M
Linda Groves
Linda Ronstadt
Linkin Park
Linkin Park vs. Moby
Linton Kwesi Johnson
Lisa Hannigan
Lisa Mann
Lit
Little Feat
Live
Liz Phair
Lock and Load
Long John Baldry
Lords of the Rhymes
Loreena McKennitt
Loretta Lynn
Lou Bega
Loudon Wainwright III
Louis Armstrong
Louis Armstrong & Ella Fitzgerald
Louise Rose
Loving Spoonful
Luciana Souza_Romero Lubambo
Lucky Girl
Ludwig van Beethoven
Lyle Lovett
Lynyrd Skynyrd
Macy Gray
Madeleine Peyroux
Madison Park
Madonna
Mandy Moore
Manfred Mann
Mannheim Steamroller
Marc Seales
Marcy Playground
Maria McKee
Maria Muldaur
Mariah Carey
Marilyn Manson
Marilyn Monroe
Mario
Mark Knopfler
Mark Knopfler & Emmylou Harris
Mark Knopfler_Emmylou Harris
Mark Van Dale With Enrico
Martin Denny
Marvin Gaye
Mary Ann Moore
Marylin Manson
Master P_
Masterman
Matchbox 20
Matchbox Twenty
Matt Nathanson
Mazzy Star
Me First and the Gimme Gimmes
Mel Torme
Melissa Etheridge
Men at Work
Meredith Brooks
Merril Bainbridge
Mest
Metallica
Michael Allen Harrison
Michael Franti
Michael Franti & Spearhead
Mick Jagger
Mike Murphy
Miles Davis
Minus The Bear
Mobile Applications
Moby
Moby ft. Blue Man Group
Moby_Smashing Pumpkins
Modest Mouse
Monster Mash Rock 'n' Roll Party
Monty Python
Mothers of Invention
Motley Crew
Mozart
Mr. Mister
Mr. President
Mudcrutch
Mumford & Sons
Muppets
Muppets - Gonzo & Jimmy Buffett
Muppets - Kermit
Muppets_ Kermit & Miss Piggy
Murray Perahia
Muse
Nas
Nat King Cole
Natalie Merchant
National Lampoon
National Lampoon Radio Hour
Native Flute Ensemble
Neil  Young & Sarah Mclachlan & Phish
Neil Diamond
Neil Young
Neil Young & Sarah Mclachlan & Phish
Nena
Nerf Herders
New Found Glory
Nick Drake
Nickel Creek
Nickelback
Nina Simone
Nine Days
Nine Inch Nails
Nirvana
No Doubt
Norah Jones
NRBQ
NYC Underground Party-Volume 3-Louie Dev
O.A.R
Oasis
Offspring
OMC
Only Rock'N Roll_ 1980-1984
Orb
Oren Lavie
Ozzy Osbourne
Pat Benatar
Pat Benatar_Blondie
Paul deLay
Paul Simon
Paula Cole
Pearl Jam
Peter Gabriel
Peter Gabriel & Deep Forrest
Peter Paul & Mary
Peter Tosh
Peter Yeates
Phil Collins
Phil Ochs
Phish
Phoenix
Pink
Pink Floyd
Pink Martini
Plain White T's
Play
Playlists
Police
Prefuse 73
Presidents of the United States of Ameri
Pretenders
Previous iTunes Libraries
Primitive Radio Gods
Proclaimers
Puddle Of Mudd
Pushmonkey
Queen
Queens of the Stone Age
Quiet Riot
R. Kelly
Rachel Loy
Radio Free Vestibule
Radiohead
Rainier Truby Trio
Rammstein
Ramones
Randy Newman
Ras Gabriel
Rave Mission 8
Ray Charles
Ray Wylie Hubbard
Red Hot Chili Peppers
Red Hot Chili Peppers & Kurt Cobain
Regina Spektor
REM
Rent
Richard Edlinger
Rick Pickren
Ricochet
Rihanna
Robert Plant & Alison Krauss
Roberta Flack
Roberta Flack and Donny Hathaw
Robin Williams
Rod Stewart
Rodrigo y Gabriela
Rogefeldt Pugh o Th?str?m
Roger Clyne and The Peacemakers
Roger Waters
Roger Waters & Eric Clapton
Roger Waters & Van Morrison
Roky Erickson
Rolling Stones
Rolling Stones & Dave Matthews
Rufus Wainwright
Run-D.M.C., Aerosmith
Rush
Ruxandra Donose
Ry Cooder
Sade
Saliva
Santana
Sara Bareilles
Sarah McLachlan
Sarah Vaughan
Sasha & Digweed
Savage Garden
Saves The Day
Scorpions
Seal
Semisonic
September Songs_ the Music of Kurt Weill
Serge Gainsbourg
Serge Gainsbourg-Brigitte Bardot
Sergio Mendes
Sesame Street
Seven Mary Three
Shaggy
Shawn Colvin
She & Him
Shel Silverstein
Shins
Silver Wilburys
Silverchair
Simon & Garfunkel
Simon And Garfunkel
Simple Plan
Sing-a-Long with The Three Stooges
Sister Hazel
Sixpence None the Richer
Slipknot
Sly and The Family Stone
Smash Mouth
Smashing Pumpkins
SmashMouth
Smothers Brothers
Snow Patrol
Social Distortion
Songs From The Soda Fountain
Soundgarden
Soup Dragons
South Park - Chef
Spike Jones
Spin Doctors
Spoon
Squirrel Nut Zippers
SR-71
Stan Getz with Laurindo Almeida
std
Stealers Wheel
Steel Pulse
Steely Dan
Steppenwolf
Steve Earle
Steve Goodman
Steve Miller Band
Stevie Ray Vaughan
Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble
Stevie Ray Vaughn
Sting
Sting-Edin Karamazov
Stone Sour
Stone Temple Pilots
Stoned Immaculate_ The Music Of The Door
Stratovarius
Sublime
Sugar Ray
Supertramp
Susan Tedeschi
Suzanne Vega
Sweet
Swirling Eddies
System of a Down
Taj Mahal
Tatiana Bulanova
Tatu
Temptations
Terry Gilkyson
The All-American Rejects
The Allman Brothers Band
The Apples In Stereo
The Avett Brothers
The Band
The Ben Taylor Band
The Best Of Ken Burns Jazz
The Best Of Woodstock
The Calling
The Cardigans
The Chemical Brothers
The Civil Wars
The Creatures
The Crystal Method
The Cure
The Cynic Project
The Dandy Warhols
The Decemberists
The Doors
The Firesign Theatre
The Fleetwoods
The Gladiators
The Guess Who
The Irish Rovers
The Killers
The Lemonheads
The Mamas & the Papas
The Manhattan Transfer
The Moody Blues
The Overture
The Posies
The Pubcrawlers
The RaVe MeThOd
The Specials
The Streets
The Synthetic Dream Foundation
The Ting Tings
The Vestibules
The Wallflowers
The Weepies
The Who
They Might Be Giants
Thievery Corporation
Third Eye Blind
Thomas Newman
Three Dog Night
Three Irish Tenors
Timbuk 3
TISM
Tito Puente
TLC
Tom Lehrer
Tom Paxton
Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers
Tom Rush
Tom Waits
Tommy Dorsey
Tony Furtado
Tony Joe White
Tool
Toots And The Maytals
Tori  Amos with Leonard Cohen
Tori Amos
Toto
Tower of Power
Townes Van Zandt
Tracy Chapman
Trans-Siberian Orchestra
Trapt
Traveling Wilburys
Tremolo
Trio
Trout Fishing In America
Twisted Tunes
Type O Negative
U2
Ub40
Uncle Cracker
Unknown Artist
Usher
Ute Lemper
Van Halen
Van Morrison
Vanilla Fudge
Vanilla Ice
Various Artists
Vast
Vertical Horizon
Veruca Salt
Verve Pipe
VH1 Storytellers
Vivaldi
Walter Egan
Wanna Hear - Or Music
War
Warren G
Warren Zevon
Waylon Jennings & Willie Nelson
Wayne Gratz
Wayne Wallace
Weekend Players
Weezer
Weil+Brecht
Weird Al Yankovic
Wendy James
Wheatus
White Stripes
Wild Wild West soundtrack
Will Smith
Willie Nelson
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Wycliff Jean
Wycliff Jean & Kenny Rogers
Wynton Marsalis and The Lincoln Center J
Yesterday's New Quintet
Yo La Tengo
You're the Tops!
Yo-Yo Ma
Yo-Yo Ma_Edgar Meyer_Mark O'Connor
Zabriskie Point Soundtrack
Zap Mama
Zebrahead
Zero 7
ZZ Top

Doncha love the juxtapositions?!?!


Sunday, October 27, 2013

Creator, creation and us

Here's how I think it goes, is going, has gone, will forever go:

There was a mote on a wave, another mote on another wave nearby. The waves became one, the motes coalesced. Was there a bang? A whimper? Probably not, but there was a something. And the pressure built and built, and the stress grew greater and greater (perhaps now a whimper); and the +mote and the wave and the something and time perhaps, perhaps folded or warped or condensed past bearing. And it all flew apart in a thousand million directions.

But it never forgot it had once been One Thing, any more than your finger can forget being part of your hand. Not memory so much as: it just IS.

Since matter is neither created nor destroyed, all things were in the +mote: Saturn and her rings, The Beatles, the iMac, beach sand and horses; the stones of Calvary and the stones of Stonehenge; the gold in my wedding ring, the silver in a coin, the iron in blood, the salt in sweat and tears; you. Also: all the breaths we all have ever taken, all the milk we have made, we have drunk, we have spilled; cows and cowpox; boomerangs and boomers; orangutangs and oranges; ants and antebellum gowns.

When we have those liminal flashes of oneness with the Universe, it's because we are.

When we feel as though our Creator is smiling on us, delighting in us, and smoothing the path before our feet, it is because we have, for a tiny moment, felt the connection of ourselves, the cells of us, with the air around us, the moisture and breeze, and the path itself, reaching toward our feet.

I believe the story of Adam and Eve, and the other stories of becoming human, are a race memory of awareness growing, of breathing in, inspiration of the life in us and around us.

Anyone who has had a lover has known the moment when it is unclear where one stops and the other starts. Anyone who has held a child has felt a fragment of that same unity. I think we are meant to feel that way all the time; it is our refusal to surrender our "individuality" that makes the space between us.

Finally, I believe the true message of all prophets and seers is not only that god loves us; it is that each of us contains a piece of god-stuff, part of the +mote; that we are one with god as we are one with every thing, person, breath. And to love as god loves, as your cells love / adhere to / collaborate with / use and are used by each other, all of us, one thing.

That's how I think it goes, is going, has gone, will forever go; as it was in the beginning, is now, and will be forever.

"We are stardust.We are golden..We are billion year old carbon.And we've got to get ourselves back to the garden." - Joni Mitchell, Woodstock